But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
