i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
