I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
