Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
