Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
