Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
a search helicopter?!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
