why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
too bad you live with your parents still
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
