The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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