She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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