True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
