Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
