did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
