Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
