he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
