my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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