I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
