I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
