My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How's work?
Spinning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
