Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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