i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
