I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
