So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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