More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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