question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
