you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
