i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
