is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
