so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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