..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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