$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
