Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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