I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
