I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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