At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
