Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
