he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
