Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i drank out of a bidet.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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