I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Never underestimate the power of titties
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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