I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize