I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everyone says I win the strip club
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
