2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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