The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
