Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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