i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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