Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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