We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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