are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
