Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
