R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize