All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize