dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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