I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
its liver damage thursday
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
