Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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