I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
