I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
