I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He did a backflip because drugs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
