i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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