You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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