I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize