I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
