hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
