My underwear smells like fireworks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
