yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
