Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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