i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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