When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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