I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
