Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
