Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
