You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
