don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
