well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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