we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
