About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
