Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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