So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
