I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
