I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
