they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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