All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
