I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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