I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
