Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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